Being a Parent

You would never know exactly what it feels to be a mom until you, yourself become a parent.

I admit. I am rebellious daughter to my parents especially to my mom. It was never easy in her part since my dad is away to work overseas in order to raise us financially. Raising us physically is not an easy task. Even from the beginning, she chooses to raise us alone instead of getting “yaya” to help her in taking care of us. Although, we had one before but then… that’s just for a meantime since mom works as a reseller of known plastic products brand before.

Being a parent alone in raising 5 kids physically is not a joke at all, much more when the time I became a rebellious daughter of her. I don’t understand why she’s so strict to us in terms of allowing us go to our friends’ place or even strolling out from home. It started there.

When I reach my Highschool days, it gets worse. Although, I became rebellious during that time I never fail to attend my class and give mom failing grades at all. It’s just that, I get influenced much with “barkada” (friends).  I always go home late and sometimes, drunk. My mom, of course, gets angry with me every time I always do things like that. The time I reach 3^rd year level, I got pregnant. I didn’t see mom cried but according to our helper (who happens to take care of our adopted brother), she did. I don’t know how it feels in her part until I gave birth.

Now, I don’t know how much pain I gave her and so to my dad. I don’t know how to repay the love and acceptance they gave to me after all those bad things I’ve done to both of them. The trust I break. The unconditional love I’ve wasted. The acceptance I keep on untying. I just don’t know how to repay them.

But as a parent, nothing else’s they asked for. Instead, they want me to become a responsible parent towards my kids despite of having no partner neither father for them. You see, it’s very painful in their part. I know, because I just can’t imagine if things I’ve done unto them will happen to me soon. That’s running through my brain now, since the time I gave birth to my youngest.

I may not have the power to restore the trust I’ve broken into pieces, but I know in their hearts they’ve forgiven me for I am their child. And as child, I should learn from my mistakes. And I promise this day, I’ll provide them the love they deserve.